Colonel Edmund J. Burke
2019-07-05 18:33:37 UTC
This I remember... It was back in 2000 in soc.penpals, a froup where I remain ascendant, the commander, Your Colonel. Little assworm, a canuk queer and coward, thought he had finally gained the US$10,000 reward I poasted back in 1995, the Year of My Usenet Ascendancy. Five years passed, and in the year 2000, the final year of the second millennium AD, I brought Virtual Shadow online. VS (as I shall henceforth call it) was my hard-won cloaking device, a device invented by myself and my first lieutenant, a world-renown researcher in spacial gravimetrics. I enjoyed taunting assworm with the now famous phrase of mine: "I am a Klingon War Bird decloaking off yer starboard bow!" To date, thru the power of VS, I remain invincible, undetectable, an elite government agent of the C.I.A.
In the middle of that year (2000), VS was (as instructed) delivering a false I.P. reading (regards my global position), the false reading indicating a place called Mountain View. A smallish town in California, home of many faggots, lesbians, etc. Assworm, thinking he had made "the connection," and then obviously perusing one of his inferior canuk maps, saw the name "Mountain "V," which is, of course an abbreviation of Mountain View. With this newfound "discovery," assworm began poasting in earnest a plethora of street names associated with the town of Mountain View, each time claiming he had located His Colonel. LOL
After I announced both his failure as a man and as a cartographer-of-sorts, little assworm really began to feel the sting of His Colonel. My authority within Usenet, ever-strong, began catching like a wildfire across Usenet. Little assworm was left in soc.penpals to nurse his wounds, as it were. As is said of human nature, not much ever changes. And so it remains with assworm and His Colonel. Assworm is still pwned by me, and I am still the Colonel of Usenet. Accept no substitutes; for as is writ... "Old soldiers never die, they just reload."
Sincerely,
Colonel Edmund J. Burke
U.S. Army, ret.
In the middle of that year (2000), VS was (as instructed) delivering a false I.P. reading (regards my global position), the false reading indicating a place called Mountain View. A smallish town in California, home of many faggots, lesbians, etc. Assworm, thinking he had made "the connection," and then obviously perusing one of his inferior canuk maps, saw the name "Mountain "V," which is, of course an abbreviation of Mountain View. With this newfound "discovery," assworm began poasting in earnest a plethora of street names associated with the town of Mountain View, each time claiming he had located His Colonel. LOL
After I announced both his failure as a man and as a cartographer-of-sorts, little assworm really began to feel the sting of His Colonel. My authority within Usenet, ever-strong, began catching like a wildfire across Usenet. Little assworm was left in soc.penpals to nurse his wounds, as it were. As is said of human nature, not much ever changes. And so it remains with assworm and His Colonel. Assworm is still pwned by me, and I am still the Colonel of Usenet. Accept no substitutes; for as is writ... "Old soldiers never die, they just reload."
Sincerely,
Colonel Edmund J. Burke
U.S. Army, ret.